Trust the process, they say. But the last few years have not been good in the trust-building industry. People don't trust the government. They don't trust doctors. They don't trust institutions.
And do you know who people really don't trust? The people on the other side of the real estate transactions. If you're a buyer, you think sellers are out to get you. And if you're a seller, you have heard buyers are liars way too many times. In these situations, where large sums of money are involved, it seems obvious too watch yourself and be vigilant.
That vigilance, however, often goes too far. It extends to your relationship with your real estate agent. It's not hard to see why. Massive lawsuits have been filed and settled over the last few years. In fact, it is the one-year anniversary of the landmark NAR Lawsuit.
Most people thought that the outcome would be lower commissions paid to the real estate industry and its two-million-plus agents and realtors. What's happened is nothing of the sort. 99% of deals remain as they were; sellers pay a commission to both the buyer and seller agents.
Even worse, instead we've seen an erosion of the trust that is so important, and so hard to create, in this buyer-agent relationship. I'll explain.
Let's start at the beginning. Buyers have trouble motivating to buy. Then they show up extremely nervous to open houses. And buyers already mistrust real estate agents. The degree of mistrust is indescribably massive.
Movies have done much of the heavy lifting. Think of classic films like Glengarry Glen Ross, American Beauty, The Big Short, and many other movies. Real Estate agents are portrayed as pretty scummy, on the same level as meter maids and tow truck drivers. Even the underbelly of Las Vegas doesn't have high opinions of agents.
So agents are already starting way behind the starting line. And while buyers are not saving much, if anything, on their purchases as a result of the NAR settlement and subsequent brokerage settlements across the US, there is one thing that is definitely happening: Requirements across the nation to have Buyer Representation Agreements signed. And here's lies the rub.
Stop Complaining, Will You?
Agents will tell you to grow up. It's not that deep, the kids would say. It's simply a matter of explanation, and it's easy to get over the hump to get a client to sign this little piece of paper. Be a good salesperson, Scott.
On the other hand, the government would say (as would any real estate website) that the agreements are just for transparency. Now buyers know who pays what and to whom. And buyers have the choice to pay commission themselves, not that anyone wants to pay anything to real estate agents.
Sure, but it's bigger than that.
What is the cost when everyone has thrown trust out of the window? The buyers already don't trust sellers and vice versa. Buyers don't trust agents. Now the government doesn't trust agents, either. What's more, states are specifically telling their agents not to trust their own clients, or risk losing their license or pay hefty fines. What does that do to the buyer-agent relationship?
What do I mean? I worked with buyers for over 20 years on a handshake. My team and I did a great job, and we helped thousands of people find or sell homes. We have gotten more business from repeat clients and referrals than anything else. I never got a single agreement signed from buyers.
My point is that I allowed the trust to build between me and my buying clients. Most of the time we solidified things quickly. But occasionally, buyers wanted or needed to be opportunistic, and didn't want to commit to working with any one agent. There's paperwork for that, too, agencies will say, but the message is really something else: we need to get it in writing. We think you're going to go around us.
I'm sure that agencies would prefer not to have to jump over this hurdle. And perhaps agents earned the mistrust all by themselves by being transaction-focused for far too long, and long before the government or the class-action attorneys got involved. Bad apples and all of that.
But the outcome is a state-endorsed decree: every buyer, too, is now guilty until proven innocent, and it means that good agents must do even more work, and more high-touch work, to build trust.
Getting To Work
Have I messed up these new conversations in the past year? Of course. One buyer decided not to continue working with me because he couldn't believe that I would ask him to sign the agreement. I had already done lots of business with him. Didn't I trust him? Of course I did, I said. But it was a state requirement. That wasn't good enough.
Other buyers have simply ignored my requests. I'm not pushing it. We'll get paperwork signed when we need to, on a case-by-case basis. Because I prefer to start with trust. I suggest you do the same. It's worked pretty darn well for me. As Arthur Brooks wrote in his great book Build the Life Your Want (with Oprah Winfrey), "Start with trust, not agreement."
Okay, I did get burned that one time.
I showed a $7 Million property to a buyer in a New Development in Chelsea about ten years ago. Usually, the agreement we sign with a new development office states that they will give us credit as the buyer for a sale if the buyer signs a contract within a period of time (like 90 or 120 days), otherwise a buyer can purchase the unit without the person who brought them in as representative. In this case, my buyers bought this unit directly from the developer six months later. Even then, most developers would have honored my relationship with the buyers, because no developer wants to burn a bridge with a real estate company that is bringing clients to their buildings, right?
It gets better, though. That standard paperwork wasn't signed, and (atypically of me at that time) I had taken a photo of the view for Instagram, and posted it from the unit. Therefore, had we decided to press our case in a lawsuit (which would have been a first for me, even what you might think is a litigious market like New York), it would have likely gone in our favor, even if it was playing out over 2-3 years. The developer and my firm decided to settle, although instead of the full $210,000(!) of commission, we were paid about one-third of that. Time value of money, etc.
I left one piece of the story out for another time. It's a good one. And it includes the kicker, which just proves that karma is undefeated.
The Solution
I've laid out the issues. And there really isn't that much point in complaining about the rain. The law requires that we disclose whom we represent, what we're getting paid in commissions, and who is doing the paying. So you're going to have to have these conversations and you'll have to sign buyer representation agreements at some point.
But there is a bigger issue that stand over everything: solidifying trust with the person who is going to help you make one of the biggest financial decisions of your life (no pressure). So what's the solution to building that trust?
It's easier than you think, even if you're someone who normally starts with mistrust: do a little prep work. Interview lots of agents before you hire one. Assume that you will find one whom you feel cares about you. Even better, don't stop until you find someone around whom you feel seen, heard and understood. If you do that, then you get to start with trust. Yes, you'll sign some paperwork, but it won't seem that big a deal. And then watch as you open up, and spend less time worrying, and more time finding homes that you love. Because that's what you really want, isn't it?
Scott Harris is a real estate associate broker and the founder of Magnetic, a boutique real estate company based in New York City. His new book, The Pursuit of Home: A Real Estate Guide to Achieving the American Dream, is available for pre-order here until its release on October 14th, 2025.
